To say that then less then enthused about Kenpo in the past year is a severe understatement. I have been struggling for quite some time with it, so long actually that I don't honestly know when it began.
Let me back up, when I first began training in Kenpo in July 2008 I was absolutely on fire! It's all I thought and talked about and all I did and it was that way for years. Fast forward to year 4 or 5 in Kenpo and that roaring fire was more of a matchstick flame; not long after that it was basically ebbing coals. I actually found myself dreading class, it wasn't attending the school part that I didn't like spending time with the students and their parents that never went away, but I hated the idea of getting out on the mat.
I wanted to quit so very badly, I think one time I even told Gene that I quit. Honestly I really couldn't understand why hated it so much, Kenpo practically save me it definitely kept me sane. When I found Kenpo I had no friends, I have just moved to the Midwest and I needed an extracurricular desperately, it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I kept thinking to myself, "Kenpo is your passion! It made you who you are! Kenpo is you!" Despite the mantra I was still dreading it.
It took me a while to figure it out, and when I did there ended up being three main factors;
1) I have been the same rank for almost 3 1/2 years. When Gene became my instructor I recertified for all previous rank under him; meaning we went back and he re-taught me every single thing straight from the book starting with Delayed Sword. This was something that I wanted and honestly if the smallest of the three factors but it did manage to make the list.
2) I gained weight. SURPRISE!!! My metabolism at age 19 is not the same age 22, or 24 for that matter! Gaining weight slowed me down and maybe bad the techniques I was supposed to do and techniques I used to be good at. Unsurprisingly I became depressed, but instead of combating it in order to fix the problem I ate my feelings and the problem ensued. Literally just three weeks ago I decided to fix it and I've been very diligent with that decision already seeing results.
3) factor three I did not realize until I was on my way home from work tonight. You see Gene was out of town for part of last week and this week as well, so with the assistance of our sensational assistant instructors I have been running SWKA. (huge thank you to Clinton George and Mark Dalen without you I don't know what Gene and I would do.) no this is not the first time I've ran the school without Gene but it is the first time in a while, I can't lie it is both intimidating and difficult. On my way home to grab my gi and check on the fur babies I casually thought to myself; "I am pumped for Kenpo."
Now I'm not sure how you do a double take with yourself concerning a thought you formulated only in your brain but I assure you I did just that.
"I am pumped for Kenpo! I am pumped for Kenpo! I'm not just preparing myself to go to class tonight, I actually CANNOT WAIT TO GO!"
I am so glad that is pulling into my driveway when the thought occurred because I sat in my car for a few moments crying actual tears of joy. I have my Kenpo back, my fire is returning. I can literally feel those flames rebuilding inside my stomach and all I could do was cry because there was a time when I thought but those claims were gone forever.
Teaching these past two weeks show me just how much I didn't know I was missing. I haven't really assisted teaching classes in probably a year. But this week, no today, I realized I need this! I need to be a part of helping build other Kenpoists on their journey. I need to help pass on the Flame, not only for the sake of preserving Mr. Parker's Kenpo but for myself.
Now if you'll excuse me I have some classes I have to go teach! :)
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