There May Be No Crying In Baseball, But It's In Karate

Karate makes me cry.

 

I feel like that’s something important to admit. As both a Brown Belt and assistant instructor I know that there are those who look to me for inspiration, guidance, and training. I’ve said many times that Kenpo is the best thing that has ever happened to me, that is absolutely true. Eight years ago my life changed for the better and I’ve never regretted a single day. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have hard days, that doesn’t mean that I don’t screw up, and that definitely doesn’t mean that I haven’t shed my fair amount of tears because of what’s happened on the mat.

Yesterday I was instructing one of our teenagers and I could see her becoming more and more frustrated which was a shame because she was doing well. After about the 10^th exasperated sigh I stopped her mid form and said to her, “you’re doing great. You’re an excellent martial artist, I’m just here to help make you better. My only expectation of you is that you try hard. Any other pressure that you’re feeling is pressure that you’re putting on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with high expectations, but you have to be careful not to be your own worst enemy.”

I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with what I said to her, I just wish I would have taken it one step further. I don’t want her to feel that her emotions aren’t valid, and I wish I had explained that. Too often we equate sadness and frustration with failure, but it’s only failure if you quit.

Not 30 minutes later there was a complete role reversal. There I was, in front of Gene, (Mr. Braden on the mat) and I was the one beating myself up while he was the steadfast voice of encouragement. I was the one who felt like she didn’t deserve the belt that she wore. My biggest fear has always been that someone will think that Gene gave me a rank because we’re together. When there are portions of my forms that need tweaking, or entire sections of techniques that need to be fixed I feel that fear come barreling to the forefront. So back to the start, karate makes me cry. There’s no shame in that, as long as that isn’t where it stops. I’m going to cry about missing the mark, then when I’m done I need to work. Sweat equity, that’s what it takes. A simple however painful lesson, but if rank was something easy to obtain then it would also be worthless.

Like a lot of things in life, progress often comes as the result of falling short and learning from it.  Sometimes people don’t admit that this Journey includes fears and failures and trying to overcome them both. I want to be as honest as I can, so I’m willing to share the hardest parts of my Journey along with the joyous ones.  

 

The Spaghetti Arm Kenpo Struggle

I’m a terrible blogger, let’s just go ahead and get that out of the way. The older I get and the more things I add to my life the more sporadic my blogging becomes. I hardly remembered the password to this old thing, but I still think on it often, and occasionally am inspired to write up a post or two.

Today is one of those days;

I guess I always imagined that when I lost a lot of weight (85lbs so far) that I would just become Super Kenpoist and nothing could stop me. Actually, that’s precisely not the case, clearly I have one hell of an imagination. Lately I’ve noticed that once again the biggest struggle I’m facing with my own training is fighting against myself. Before I had no energy, I always felt weighted down, and there were some things that I just could not do because I didn’t have enough command of my body. I didn’t have enough command of my body because there was too much mass.

So I began to shed the mass, and after say losing 40lbs I felt awesome! There was this great ratio where I felt in control of my motions and had a good balance. Then I lost another 45lbs and now I’m in this odd stage where I don’t know my body. My limbs seem so much longer, and I’m weirdly lighter all over. Now don’t get me wrong, when I race my puppy up the stairs at my home I love how light I feel. But when I am in class and I hit someone with my spaghetti arm I’m not as happy. In fact I’m irritated.

I’m struggling to generate torque, I’m struggling on how to utilize back up mass because, well let’s face it, there’s a lot less mass there. Guys I’m just struggling all around, I need more muscle in a bad way, especially in my upper platform. It’s so very frustrating, I’m learning all over AGAIN! So now in addition to the cardio that has been a staple in my life for over a year and a half I’m adding some strength training. I use the word strength training very lightly, just like my weights are right now. “More reps less weight” I mutter to myself as I struggle through 20lb curls and promise myself there are tacos in my future.

I know this is just another bump in the road towards that Black Belt, and I know that I can overcome it with time and perseverance. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Have any of you experienced this before? How did you “get your groove back?” Anyways, I’m still working on Operation Build a Better Kenpoist. Good thing I know this is a life art!  

2nd Brown Finally!

1,603 days. That's how long I was a 3rd Brown Belt, 229 weeks or nearly 4 1/2 years. Any way that you slice it, it's a long time. There was a time when I thought I wanted to quit, but I overcame that. There was a time when I couldn't fit into my uniform, but I overcame that. There was a time when I thought that I'd always be a 3rd Brown, but I overcame that too. I learned a whole hell of a lot more than just my required rank material in these past 4 1/2 years. 2015 has been my phoenix year, I said I wanted to lose 50lbs, get back into college, and earn my 2nd Brown. All three missions accomplished! It hasn't completely sunk in yet, it may not until I have a new belt and a certificate in front of me, but there's a joy that I just can't express with words. I haven't been this excited about something in a very long time. I'm coming for you 1st Brown!!!

An Unlikely Place to Utilize Kenpo

My dear blogger friends!

Obviously I have fallen off the blogosphere for a bit; life tends to do that doesn’t it? I’m still training hard, (super hard in fact!) I’m closing in on that 2^nd Brown Belt and it’s sort of consumed my every thought lately! Today though I have a fun story to share with you!

Midwestern winters are downright despicable; so naturally when a 68 degree day comes along in the beginning of March I am absolutely going to be out pounding the pavement for a run! So, yesterday being gorgeous as it was had me lacing up my Nikes and getting my run on as soon as I got home from work. I use an app called RunKeeper that verbally updates you on your progress every 5 minutes and I love it! Right after my first 5 minute recap (my warm up basically) I started a sprint, and made it approximately half a block before I tripped on a pile of dilapidated concrete! Hey St. Joe, MO your sidewalks are horrendous and crumbling!!

So here I am falling forward and instinct completely took over; I caught my momentum with the heels of my palms and my right knee then continued the motion to push myself over into a tuck and roll. Unfortunately I tuck and rolled so hard when I landed on my back I knocked the wind out of myself BUT I didn’t hit my head or my face at all! My worst injury is a tiny splinter; I’m not even bleeding anywhere!

Here’s the interesting part, I am absolutely crap at doing tuck and rolls in class on 2in thick mats. I know it’s entirely mental; I’m terrified of doing it wrong and snapping my neck. While I was lying on the ground gasping like a fish out of water though all I could think was “hell yes thank you Kenpo!!!” A super sweet Indian lady saw my fall and pulled over to ask if I was alright she even offered to drive me home but I declined because I wanted to at least get one full mile in.

I owe that instinct to Kenpo completely because I surely didn’t learn that anywhere else. The moral of this story is Kenpo can be used in even your most mundane circumstances. That millisecond occurrence is complete validation for almost 7 years and hundreds of classes that I’ve spent on the mat so far! What we teach absolutely does work and the longer you are in it the more it becomes engrained into your DNA. Practice doesn't make perfect but it does make permanent, so get to class! :D

Welcome Back To SWKA!

I've said it before, hands down the saddest part of owning a karate school is when students have to move away. The heart wrenching phrase "we don't want to go but we have to," breaks me every time. However this is not a blog about sadness, this is a blog about joy! 

For about 3 years now Gene and I have had the same hair stylist, Ashley. We just love her and her work; over time as we got to know Ashley better we learned about her kiddos and she learned about our karate school. After much prodding on our part we were able to convince Ashley to bring her wee ones to SWKA and they ended up staying with us for right around a year. Last May however career opportunities changed and Ashley, the kids and the rest of their family ended up moving to Omaha. We were of course heartbroken. We kept in touch though, we saw Ashley every few months when she came down to give her regulars a hair cut.

2 weekends ago we had a hair cut, asked about the kids, had a normal chit chat and then went on our way.

Last Saturday I went around the corner after the Adult class and grabbed a coffee, when I came back to the school Ashley was there with her son Draven! I thought they were here to visit because they have family that lives in our area. Then Ashley broke into the biggest smile and said, "Do you know how hard it was to cut your hair and keep it a secret from you guys that we were moving back!!"

My heart exploded! I've felt the heart break several times when a student has to leave us, but this is the first time we have had someone move back. Last night both Draven and his sister Dareyen were back in class! Such a sweet feeling! 

The One Where I Found What I Had Thought Was Lost

Bear with me ladies and gents, this will probably be long and wordy.

To say that then less then enthused about Kenpo in the past year is a severe understatement. I have been struggling for quite some time with it, so long actually that I don't honestly know when it began. 

Let me back up, when I first began training in Kenpo in July 2008 I was absolutely on fire! It's all I thought and talked about and all I did and it was that way for years. Fast forward to year 4 or 5 in Kenpo and that roaring fire was more of a matchstick flame; not long after that it was basically ebbing coals. I actually found myself dreading class, it wasn't attending the school part that I didn't like spending time with the students and their parents that never went away, but I hated the idea of getting out on the mat. 

I wanted to quit so very badly, I think one time I even told Gene that I quit. Honestly I really couldn't understand why hated it so much, Kenpo practically save me it definitely kept me sane. When I found Kenpo I had no friends, I have just moved to the Midwest and I needed an extracurricular desperately, it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I kept thinking to myself, "Kenpo is your passion! It made you who you are! Kenpo is you!" Despite the mantra I was still dreading it. 

It took me a while to figure it out, and when I did there ended up being three main factors;

1) I have been the same rank for almost 3 1/2 years. When Gene became my instructor I recertified for all previous rank under him; meaning we went back and he re-taught me every single thing straight from the book starting with Delayed Sword. This was something that I wanted and honestly if the smallest of the three factors but it did manage to make the list. 

2) I gained weight. SURPRISE!!! My metabolism at age 19 is not the same age 22, or 24 for that matter! Gaining weight slowed me down and maybe bad the techniques I was supposed to do and techniques I used to be good at. Unsurprisingly I became depressed, but instead of combating it in order to fix the problem I ate my feelings and the problem ensued. Literally just three weeks ago I decided to fix it and I've been very diligent with that decision already seeing results.

3) factor three I did not realize until I was on my way home from work tonight. You see Gene was out of town for part of last week and this week as well, so with the assistance of our sensational assistant instructors I have been running SWKA. (huge thank you to Clinton George and Mark Dalen without you I don't know what Gene and I would do.) no this is not the first time I've ran the school without Gene but it is the first time in a while, I can't lie it is both intimidating and difficult. On my way home to grab my gi and check on the fur babies I casually thought to myself; "I am pumped for Kenpo." 

Now I'm not sure how you do a double take with yourself concerning a thought you formulated only in your brain but I assure you I did just that. 

"I am pumped for Kenpo! I am pumped for Kenpo! I'm not just preparing myself to go to class tonight, I actually CANNOT WAIT TO GO!" 

I am so glad that is pulling into my driveway when the thought occurred because I sat in my car for a few moments crying actual tears of joy. I have my Kenpo back, my fire is returning. I can literally feel those flames rebuilding inside my stomach and all I could do was cry because there was a time when I thought but those claims were gone forever.  

Teaching these past two weeks show me just how much I didn't know I was missing. I haven't really assisted teaching classes in probably a year. But this week, no today, I realized I need this! I need to be a part of helping build other Kenpoists on their journey. I need to help pass on the Flame, not only for the sake of preserving Mr. Parker's Kenpo but for myself. 

Now if you'll excuse me I have some classes I have to go teach! :) 

6 Questions Post Promotion-Dorian Burns

I'm going to start publishing quick little interviews that I have begun with our students after they receive a promotion. First

 up on the blog is Mr. Dorian Burns. 

 

Student: Dorian Burns

Age: 11

Started Training At SWKA: September 2011

Current Rank: Jr. Orange Belt.

Me: "Alright buddy! So how do you feel?"

Dorian: "I feel happy! I feel super pumped!"

Me: "Good deal! So Dorian why did you want to start Kenpo?"

Dorian: "I really just wanted to learn how to defend myself and other people. If someone was hurting someone else I wanted to be able to help people."

Me: "Do you feel better about being able to defend yourself now?" 

Dorian: "Yeah, I remember seeing someone picking on someone on the playground before I started Kenpo. I didn't know how to tell him to stop. So I jumped on the bully's back and I tried to choke him. But Kenpo taught me that it's much better to find a teacher or an adult first. That's the best option. My mom and dad taught me that too."

Me: "What do you love about Kenpo?"

Dorian: I love like, new techniques. I love learning them. Every time I get a new technique it helps fill in more of my empty time during the day, because I'm not allowed to always be on the Xbox."

Me: "What is the hardest thing about Kenpo?"

Dorian: "Hardest thing is remembering stuff. But when I practice and practice then it all comes back to me." 

Me: "Dorian are you going to get your Black Belt?"

Dorian: "Someday! When I'm probably as old as Mr. Braden!"