There May Be No Crying In Baseball, But It's In Karate

Karate makes me cry.

 

I feel like that’s something important to admit. As both a Brown Belt and assistant instructor I know that there are those who look to me for inspiration, guidance, and training. I’ve said many times that Kenpo is the best thing that has ever happened to me, that is absolutely true. Eight years ago my life changed for the better and I’ve never regretted a single day. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have hard days, that doesn’t mean that I don’t screw up, and that definitely doesn’t mean that I haven’t shed my fair amount of tears because of what’s happened on the mat.

Yesterday I was instructing one of our teenagers and I could see her becoming more and more frustrated which was a shame because she was doing well. After about the 10^th exasperated sigh I stopped her mid form and said to her, “you’re doing great. You’re an excellent martial artist, I’m just here to help make you better. My only expectation of you is that you try hard. Any other pressure that you’re feeling is pressure that you’re putting on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with high expectations, but you have to be careful not to be your own worst enemy.”

I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with what I said to her, I just wish I would have taken it one step further. I don’t want her to feel that her emotions aren’t valid, and I wish I had explained that. Too often we equate sadness and frustration with failure, but it’s only failure if you quit.

Not 30 minutes later there was a complete role reversal. There I was, in front of Gene, (Mr. Braden on the mat) and I was the one beating myself up while he was the steadfast voice of encouragement. I was the one who felt like she didn’t deserve the belt that she wore. My biggest fear has always been that someone will think that Gene gave me a rank because we’re together. When there are portions of my forms that need tweaking, or entire sections of techniques that need to be fixed I feel that fear come barreling to the forefront. So back to the start, karate makes me cry. There’s no shame in that, as long as that isn’t where it stops. I’m going to cry about missing the mark, then when I’m done I need to work. Sweat equity, that’s what it takes. A simple however painful lesson, but if rank was something easy to obtain then it would also be worthless.

Like a lot of things in life, progress often comes as the result of falling short and learning from it.  Sometimes people don’t admit that this Journey includes fears and failures and trying to overcome them both. I want to be as honest as I can, so I’m willing to share the hardest parts of my Journey along with the joyous ones.