Does It Get Easier?

Tonight during adult class one of our students who is preparing for her Yellow Belt Exam asked me; "does it get easier the higher up in rank you get?"

I stopped and thought about it for a good 30 seconds before I answered. And this is what I said to her; "No, it'll never be easier, not as long as it is important to you. In fact it seems the higher the belt rank the more nerve racking it is right before you test. I do believe that once you're out there on the mat and you are half an hour into your test I think you have better control of your nerves though."

I can only speak from personal experience obviously, but I remember being disgustingly nervous right before my Yellow Belt exam. I had never done anything like karate before, I had no idea how it was going to go. Orange and Purple were equally as nerve wracking and I remember flubbing a bit on my Purple material. (Short Form 2 was NOT pretty.)

Blue Belt was the first belt that I tested in front of someone besides my instructor at the time. He threw basics and terms at me that I had never even heard of before. It was in the middle of my Blue Belt exam that I was told there was not only a 45 degree Cat Stance but also a 90 degree Cat Stance.

Green Belt was hard! Probably my hardest exam so far, I was so so nervous the entire time.

3rd Brown Belt was absolute HELL leading up to it. I think I stopped eating 2 days before that exam. My first Advanced rank exam, I must have ran those techniques 200 times everyday. At work, in my car, in bed at night because I couldn't sleep. I thought I was going to throw up before my 3rd Brown test. That was my best test thus far though. I remember absolutely blasting through the material, I didn't have to stop and redo a single technique that entire exam. Everything flowed seamlessly. But, here's the catch, I didn't know that I was being tested, I thought I was being evaluated during regular class time and then there was going to be a formal test after class ended. Had I been under the full pressure of a legitimate exam, I honestly think that nerves would have gotten the better of me.

2nd Brown isn't that far in my future now, and I already get nervous about it. I've spent the past year and a half relearning every single thing in the EPAK curriculum because what I knew wasn't right. It was rushed, and ill timed and I didn't even know what principles and concepts were until AFTER I was a 3rd Brown Belt. 2nd Brown is my first exam as Gene's student, that scares the hell out of me, because I know him. I know exactly how picky he is and he knows exactly what I suck at.

Does it get easier? No, no I really don't think so, but I think it get easier to overcome that fear. I believe through your training you gain the self confidence you need to conquer yourself. Because in the end, it's really up to you whether or not you pass.  How bad do you want it?